The Thing Therapy Doesn't Do.
Therapy or coaching? If you’re a lawyer asking that question, you might be missing the point.
“But, I already have a therapist.”
I hear this a lot.
Sometimes, it’s intended to be a question. Like - “I already talk to someone about my stuff. What would coaching add?”
Other times, it’s more like a deflection: “Um….I’m good. Thanks.”
From my end, both are worth taking seriously.
But first, I’m going to put this out there:
I have been in therapy for most of my adult life. Actually, since my first year of law school (which may say more about law school than me or therapy - but, I digress).
Over the years, on and off, different therapists, different modalities, different “issues”.
It has been one of the most important investments I have ever made in myself.
There are things I know about who I am, why I do what I do, and where my edges are that I simply would not know without that work.
In fact, without my therapists over the years, I wouldn’t have:
left legal practice
started a legal practice
pursued art, film and other things
gotten married
had children
left law again
do what I do now
And, I don’t mean that in the sense that, “Oh, therapy was the prime mover that set that all in motion.”
No. I mean that each of those things was a specific challenge that I needed to get through in, and with the help of, therapy.
So, I know what therapy does and what it’s capable of.
And you might ask, “So, are you selling therapy here?”
Well, yes. In a way.
But I am also someone who built a coaching practice specifically because I kept seeing something therapy wasn’t addressing for me and for the people I have coached and mentored and spoken with over the years.
Therapy and coaching are not the same thing. And, they aren’t intended to be.
But, they’re also not competing. They are not mutually exclusive. Having one doesn’t mean you don’t need the other.
Here’s how1.
Therapy looks back. Coaching looks forward.
Therapy is, at its core, a process of understanding. It asks: how did you get here? What happened to you, and how is that still showing up? It moves backward before it moves forward - and for good reason. There are many things (perhaps most things) in life that cannot be addressed any other way.
Coaching meets you in the present. Not because your history doesn’t matter - it does, and good coaching will bring that in - but because the primary movement is forward. We start with where you are, what you want, and what’s in the way. The past informs that work. It doesn’t drive it.
For a lawyer who knows something isn’t working and wants to figure out what to do about it, that distinction matters. You don’t always need to excavate your childhood to figure out why you’ve been measuring your worth by your billable hours. Sometimes you just need someone to help you see it clearly and build something different.
Therapy asks “Why?” Coaching asks “What next?”
Now, from the outset, this isn’t entirely true. In fact, “Why?” might be one of the most used questions in my conversations with people and teams.
It’s that it’s being asked differently.
Not, “Why are you this way?” or “Why did you end up in this position?”
Rather, “Why aren’t you taking the action you want to take?”
For many of the people I work with, the first why has already been answered. They know why they’re exhausted. They know why they can’t set boundaries. They know why they keep saying yes when they mean no. They’ve done enough therapy, or enough reflection, to have real insight into themselves.
What they don’t have is a structure for change. A way to take what they know and actually do something different with it. That’s the “Why?” we’re interested in.
Therapy is open-ended. Coaching is time-limited and targeted.
Therapy, done well, is a long relationship. It unfolds at the pace the work requires. I have no plans of stopping therapy any time soon - and it’s been close to 20 years.
Coaching is different by design. We work together for a defined period — sometimes 90 days, sometimes over a year - on one or two specific areas where something needs to shift. The limitation isn’t so much about time but about the focus that a limitation in time, or issue, or questions, can create. That’s a feature - not a bug. And with that focus, momentum and accountability can come into fruition in a way that perhaps happens less in a more open-ended setting.
When therapy is the right call.
If the path to your next step runs primarily through your wounds - trauma, say, or deep psychological patterns that are running your life in ways you don’t yet know or simply can’t see or interrupt - therapy is the right call.
Not coaching. Therapy.
If you are dealing with clinical depression or anxiety that is affecting your ability to function. If you have experienced significant trauma that hasn’t been addressed. If you suspect undiagnosed ADHD or other mental health challenges that are shaping how you work and live. These are not coaching conversations. These are clinical ones, and they deserve clinical care.
I say this not to protect my professional boundaries - I say it because sending someone to coaching when what they need is therapy is a disservice. I have referred clients to therapists. I will continue to do so.
It is one of the most important services I can provide.
When coaching is the right call.
Coaching works best when you have enough stability and self-awareness to do forward-focused work. When the foundation is solid enough to build on. When the primary question isn’t “What happened to me?” but “What do I do now?”
If you’re not sure which category you’re in - that might be something work looking into (a classic coach/therapist expression in itself). With a therapist, or with a coach, or both.
Which brings me to the thing I actually believe most strongly.
My honest opinion: Do Both.
This is not me telling you to blow your budget on personal or professional help.
But, I will say - the people I work with who do both make the fastest progress. That’s not a coincidence.
Here’s why: therapy and coaching feed each other. Therapy gives you insight and coaching gives you structure to use the insight.
When both are happening simultaneously, the work compounds. You understand yourself more deeply and you’re building something new at the same time.
I have had clients who came to me already in therapy and found that coaching gave their therapy new material to work with. And I have had clients who started coaching and realized, midway through, that there was something underneath the surface that needed therapeutic attention - and we adjusted accordingly.
I work with both a coach and a therapist. My goal was never to replace therapy - for myself or for others. And, it was never to compete with it either. The goal is to help you build a life and a career that actually fits - and sometimes that requires more than one kind of support.
Where to Start.
If you have a therapist you trust, tell them you’re thinking about coaching. In my experience, most good therapists welcome it. They understand that different tools do different things.
And if you don’t have a therapist - and you’re feeling the weight that many of the lawyers I work with are carrying - it might be worth considering. Not instead of coaching. In addition to it.
So, here’s where I’ll leave you: if you’re asking “should I see a therapist or a coach?” — you’re probably asking the wrong question.
The better question is: what kind of work do I actually need right now?
If the answer is that you need to understand yourself more deeply, start with therapy. Or go back to it. It’s worth it.
If the answer is that you already have enough insight, and what you’re missing is a structure to actually do something with it - that’s coaching.
And if the answer is that you need both — that the insight and the structure need to happen at the same time — then build both. You don’t have to choose.
If you’re trying to figure out where to start — the free Best Next Move Assessment was built for exactly this moment. It takes about five minutes and will give you a clearer picture of where you actually are.
→ Take the assessment here.
→ Or if you’d rather just talk — book a call.
Through a few broad generalizations to which I welcome challenge and discussion. Also, nothing in this article is intended to be interpreted or construed as medical or mental health advice. I am not a psychologist, psychologist or medical professional. I don’t even play one on TV.
