The Hedonic Treadmill: Why Lawyer Success Never Feels Like Enough

But First…an Offer.

A free 45 minute coaching session.

Yes, it’s true. We’d get to know each other (if we don’t already), zone in on a specific issue that’s been coming up for you lately, and work through it so you can walk away with some tangible next steps.

Of course, you’re saying, “Jordan - there’s no such thing as a free lunch.” You’ve found me out (of course). What I’m asking for in return is simply to record it and be able to use it in my marketing to demonstrate my style of coaching and what clients and I typically cover.

Think Esther Perel’s couples’ therapy podcast, but for career and business coaching.

If you’re interested, you can book a time right here - but act fast, as I only have five slots.

And now, onto today’s story.

The Dilemma

By the standard metrics of the business, Jim had arrived.

He held a partnership at a firm whose name carried real weight in the elevators of the downtown towers.

He represented clients whose problems were as sophisticated as their portfolios.

On paper, his life was impeccably balanced.

In practice, however, the narrative was beginning to fray.

Jim felt that he was unable to keep up with his family demands.

He was convinced that his clients were not getting his best.

He was sure that his firm partners were looking for ways to get rid of him.

He was constantly checking his emails to see if something - anything - had arrived in his inbox.

And, no matter what he did (or tried to do) for his firm, his family, or himself, he was sure it wasn’t satisfactory. That the correct amount of effort or results was still unattainable.

Jim was in a constant state of what I’ll call “not enough-ness”.

So, he kept trying to catch up. Sort of like this:

Gemini-supplied illustration.

The “Carrot-on-a-Stick”

Many of us are familiar with the 'carrot on a stick,' though we rarely consider the cruelty of its origins.

The phrase traces back to mid-nineteenth-century “Donkey Races,” where a jockey would dangle a carrot (or other root vegetable) just beyond the animal’s reach.

The donkey, obviously unaware of the mechanics at play, would accelerate in a sad and futile pursuit of a prize that moved in perfect lockstep with its own effort.

It was a brilliant hack for the jockey - but a psychological dead-end for the donkey.

Turning back to Jim - “Success” was the carrot. His brain was the “jockey”. And “Jim” was the donkey.

By all measures, he should be winning, right?

But, he was losing.

What gives?

If you like what you’re reading, subscribe - you’ll get more of it and you’ll help me get more of it out there to others.

The Breakdown

Let’s break it down. The carrot is clearly a positive incentive. It’s the reward we work towards. In Jim’s case it was prestige, income, comfort, the love of his family, the health of his children, and a whole bunch of other things. Nothing inherently wrong with that.

The issue arises when we see that the positive incentive itself is self-moving. Imagine you are trying to shoot a goal in hockey, and the goal posts move right before you take your shot - every time. So, you pick up your pace - you line up for the shot faster, take the shot harder and - you miss again. The goalposts are always just a beat ahead of you.

Keep this up, and you’re going to get pretty tired, pretty quickly.

Jim’s professional life had become a series of moving goalposts.

In the language of psychology, this is the “Hedonic Treadmill”: the exhausting phenomenon where one’s expectations rise in connection with one’s achievements, leaving the level of satisfaction perpetually “meh”.

Jim wasn't just tired; he was suffering from the 'not-enoughness' that no amount of billable hours could cure.

But, of course, that made sense - his work was hard (it certainly wasn’t supposed to be easy), and besides - everyone of his partners and colleagues was basically in the same state. Wasn’t this normal? Shouldn’t he just accept this is what it’s like and move forward?

Maybe. But this plays into a different sort of trap.

The Weight of “Should”

Jim was playing to his “shoulds” rather than his strengths.

He “should” have been working inordinately long hours.

He “should” be constantly aware of the next impending client emergency.

He “should” have been constantly exhausted by his children.

All because, of course, that’s how it’s supposed to be in this work. You can’t get the “carrots” without following the rules.

Or, in other words, his “carrots” were attainable by a following a roadmap based on external motivators.

But, what if he turned towards his internal motivations? Would that change the map at all?

For instance, if he was really into the act of the chase itself - and less so the stick - would it be easier to stay motivated? To find inner resource that was less about pursuing a goal that always seemed to be out of reach?

Well, that’s what happened.

The Turn

Jim started to pay more attention to what was fulfilling in his work and not the results of his work.

Jim zoned in on what he really valued about legal work - being of service; creative solution design; solving puzzles.

And as he focused in on what really mattered, he started to change how he approached his work.

When he paid attention to what he enjoyed about it, and why he was doing it in the first place, it became more rewarding. He started saying “no” to the tasks that he was able to turn down, and more importantly, weren’t aligned with what he was really after in his work.

Now, it’s not like, overnight, Jim’s stress, pressure to earn, or sense of needing to put out fires magically disappeared. That would be a crazy expectation and a completely unrealistic outcome.

But, as he adjusted where his focus was landing, the things that had historically been the “carrots” began to matter less.

As a result, Jim started to realize that he didn’t need to work so hard to obtain the rewards offered by his intrinsic motivators - service, creativity and problem solving.

The Outcomes

In fact, he found that the less effortful his work was, the better he was at it.

His clients were happier with his work because he was under less pressure to be perfect and, thus, was freer to come up with more innovative solutions.

His family was happier because he had more energy for them when he was at home and wasn’t as distracted when he was with them.

His partners were happier with him because, for starters he wasn’t as miserable or as resentful of legal practice, and perhaps more importantly to the firm-wide objectives, his newfound approach to work was actually generating more revenue - not less.

Jim had also discovered something else - that by pursuing his old “carrots”, he was also punishing himself with a self-created “stick” - exhaustion, self-flagellation and contempt.

Did this take time? Yes.

Did Jim arrive at some place where things were perfect? No.

But, did Jim need to quit his career? Nope.

Jim is still a lawyer.

He still bills hours, still navigates the egos of his partners, and still faces the occasional weekend emergency.

But the stick has been dismantled.

He has discovered that when the carrot is no longer the objective, the race begins to look remarkably like an easy walk.

He is no longer running to stand still; he is simply walking toward a version of himself that was there all along.

Thoughts? Leave a comment (that helps get this work out there) or send me a notehere.

→ Let me know which topics, challenges or thinkers I should write about next. Reply or comment and tell me what you’d love to learn more about.

→ Connect with me onLinkedIn - I share more thoughts like these there.