Just the Three of Us
Jana Sterbak, Sisyphus Sport, 1997
When I was articling, I used to hear this story all the time: a respected, successful, highly capable partner at the firm was boarding a plane with his family to head out on winter vacation.
As the plane was disembarking from the gate and on its way to the runway, he checked his Blackberry for one last time. An email came in with a bit of a client emergency.
And, so, like any good lawyer - he told his family he needed to get back to the office, threw a tantrum until the flight attendants got the pilots to stop the plane, and then proceeded to get off the plane - himself - while his family went on to their sunny destination.
I have no idea whether this story is true. It could be myth - or, perhaps its based on a true, but different variation.
The point is - its entirely believable.
Now, yes - he could have gone back to work, got the deal done, and then taken a separate flight to meet his family later on in the trip.
Or, he could have stayed on that flight, stressed out the entire way (remember - this is before Wifi on planes), and then likely worked in his hotel room (or the business centre of the hotel) for the rest of his vacation while his family “enjoyed” it without him.
And sure - these are all problems that money can solve. I have no doubts that this partner could have afforded this vacation ten times over.
But money is not what needs to be measured here.
Instead, the question is what the true cost was to him - to his family, to his mental health, to his sense of control over his own life.
My guess is that, it was likely steep.
I always said I’d never tell that story about my own life.
And then, I found myself having my own version of it. Before we had children, whenever my wife and I would go on a trip together, she’d always say, “Jordan, it’s great that we’re away together, but why does it always have to be three of us?”
She was, of course, referring to the client who, on each trip, decided that that was the perfect time to have a legal crisis.
Hearing this absolutely sucked. Actually, it didn’t just suck. It hurt.
It hurt that I was not present with her while we were on a trip for us. It hurt me to know that my client was also not getting what they deserved of me because I couldn’t focus at the level necessary for quality work. It hurt to know that, this would likely not be the last time this happened. And, above all, it hurt to know that I had forsaken my priorities - my values - so that I could, instead, go along with what I was told was just “the way it is”.
That was a cost that I really didn’t want to bear any longer. It simply wasn’t worth it to me.
Now, was that the client’s fault? Of course not. The client was asking me to deliver at the level of service that I always did, and expected a response (as they were right to do).
Why? Because I never set the expectation that, on vacation, I am not working.
I just simply never wanted to disappoint anyone.
And when you try to make everyone - every client - happy, you make no one happy.
Now yes, you might say - “Jordan, that’s just the deal. That’s what you signed up for when you chose to practice law.”
But, is it? Is that really what you choose when you choose this profession?
No. You don’t.
You choose the parts that reward you. That fill you up. That give you deep satisfaction - intellectually and emotionally.
But the other price of it? You and I both know - no one would choose that.
So, where does that leave you?
Well, you can stick it out. You can keep doing it the way you are doing it and, sure - you’ll get a lot of good out of it. But, given the costs, is it worth it?
What would you tell a client who presented this set of facts?
You'd tell them to cut their losses. You'd tell them the cost-benefit analysis doesn't work.
But you won't tell yourself the same thing. Why?
On the other hand, you can choose - as difficult as it might be - to practice in a way that aligns with why you chose to be a lawyer in the first place - and, at the same time, mitigate some of the costs that, perhaps, you didn’t choose (and can no longer afford).
There’s that word again - “choose”.
The practice of law is an amazing thing - it helps clients make the best possible choices for themselves. But, in so doing, lawyers often lose the sense that they have any choice for themselves.
You already know what this is costing you. You've known for a while. The only question is how much more you're willing to pay.
Thoughts? Leave a comment (that helps get this work out there) or send me a note here.
→ Let me know which topics, challenges or thinkers I should write about next. Reply or comment and tell me what you’d love to learn more about.
→ Connect with me on LinkedIn - I share more thoughts like these there.
